Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
