lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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