do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
