just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
