whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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