Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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