I hate your face
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
