Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
