i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
