I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Randomize
