I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
