i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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