My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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