We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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