at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
