I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
