the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
