what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
