I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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