I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
