You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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