I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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