Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
vagina is talking i cant
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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