We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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