Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
