We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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