Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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