Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
