It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
