Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
