I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
