Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
