:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
