once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
