i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My vagina just recognized that song.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Enjoy the penises
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
