I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Rumble strips road head = magical
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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