Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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