Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
