By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We need to get me chipped asap
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
