I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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