Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
