I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
