you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
