we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
