Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
