I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
