Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
