you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
