what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
