We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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