marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
