loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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