Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
